Do you watch A Million Little Things? My husband and I love it.

I am not a huge TV and movie watcher. There are a few shows that I follow and love, but in general I am not a huge film-o-phile. That said, there are some shows that I just latch on to.

I actually only started watching A Million Little Things because of James Roday Rodriguez. And not just because his real last name is the same as my maiden name. (If I did that then I’d have to watch every Rodriguez and there are a lot of us!)

I loved Roday in Psych which is one of my absolute all time favorite TV shows. I get probably less than half of the 80’s pop culture references, but I just love the show. I love the humor, I love the heart, and I love the crime solving. It’s a show that I could binge every night (which my husband and I are currently doing) and then once it’s over I could go right back to the beginning and start again.

Re-watching this show is like re-uniting with old friends. Which in times like these is amazing when we can’t spend as much time with real life friends.

My husband says that he’s the Shawn (Roday’s character) and I’m the Gus (Dule Hill’s character) in our relationship. He’s probably right, but I still feel slighted by it.

Shawn is great with people. He can definitely read a room. He’s not concerned so much with paperwork, and details, and finances. He loves movies and TV and is very protective of his girl. He has a willingness to make a fool of himself and get things wrong as he works on getting it right.

Gus on the other hand is more numbers and fact driven. He needs the steady job and finances to feel secure. He likes to think he is smooth and cool, but in fact he is not. While he can definitely be silly, he is also a lot more studious and cautious. Plus, he’s a dancer like me.

All in all, my husband is probably right which is super annoying since Shawn is the cooler character.

Anyway, because of my love of Roday’s acting in Psych, I was 100% determined to watch A Million Little Things (AMLT). And let me say, it was an excellent decision.

AMLT treats real life issues with a realism and humanity that is rarely seen on TV. Relationships are difficult, life is difficult, and things don’t get resolved in 42 minutes. They take on issues like cancer and suicide and abuse with a honor and respect for the people who have dealt with these issues and a determination to treat them with accuracy and heart.

Best of all, this time I can identify more with Roday’s character, Gary. We both studied to be actuaries, although he apparently took all of the exams to actually become one. That’s pretty admirable since those tests are freaking difficult and require hundreds of hours of studying.

We both also have difficult relationships with our parents. And we have difficulty with emotions. We both have times where we don’t really feel like we fit in.

It’s interesting seeing his mistakes and his moments of overcoming issues and reflecting on the similarities and differences to my own life.

I’ve been thinking about emotions and relationships a lot more recently. My older brother passed a few months ago at 36 years old due to complications from Covid 19 and on the one hand I feel relief that he is no longer suffering from the many physical ailments that he had.

At 36 he had had diabetes for 34 years. He was legally blind, on dialysis 3 times a week, he’d had a foot amputated up to the knee as well as 5 fingers. He’d had a transplant that his body rejected, and just so many mental and physical ailments especially in the last few years.

At the same time I feel guilt and anger at myself for not being there for him more. For not having that kind of relationship where you just call each other up to shoot the breeze. And more importantly to call each other up to talk about the hard things that we are going through.

I used busyness and family as an excuse for not visiting more or calling more. Really, I just didn’t want to see my brother that way and I didn’t want to deal with hard emotions. By avoiding pain for myself, I also avoided someone I love. I definitely have abandonment issues and I push away people I think might leave me, whether by choice or by death.

Because of watching AMLT and my love for James Roday, I discovered DJ Nash’s podcast A Million Little Stories. Nash is the creator of AMLT and on his podcast he talks about the show and the stories behind the show as well.

Through his stories, he has reminded me of the importance of talking about feelings and the things that are bothering us. About reaching out to people to let them know we care and also trusting people to help us when we are struggling.

I may not have had the brother-sister relationship that I have admired in other people and I don’t have another brother or sister to start again with, but I can deepen the relationships with the people I do have in my life.

I am not the woman that locks herself in the bathroom and cries. I am not the one to call a friend to vent, but I’m also never the one that someone else comes to either. I don’t drink a glass of wine at the end of the day to take the edge off. And while I don’t think I will become the girl who cries through everything, there is a lot of room between where I am now and there.

My husband mocks me as in addition to being the Gus to his Shawn, I am the Spock to his Captain Kirk. Maybe that’s good in some situations. Someone has to be the logical one. But I’m realizing more and more that feeling the feelings is important too.

Anyway, the point of this ramble through my brain is to say that I don’t think that I would have come to these realizations without the AMLT show and the AMLS podcast. I know DJ Nash hears from a lot of people who can relate to his show because of experiences with cancer and suicide, and abuse, but even without those experiences, I am learning more about myself and the people I love because of this show.

I highly recommend both the show and the podcast as a reminder that we all have people who love us and will help us if we only let them. That honesty is important but so is forgiveness, both of others and ourselves. That friendships and relationships take effort, but they are worth it. That therapy is important.

That laughter is cathartic. That no one is perfect. That not everything is as it seems. And that we can learn about life through any medium if we allow ourselves to.

Cheers,

Emily