Part 3: Tips for Working Moms

Here we are at the final part of the series on tips for working moms. We have talked already about mindset, prioritizing, and removing distractions in part 1 which you can find here. In part 2, we discussed practical tasks that can make family time run more smoothly. You can find that article here. In this final post, we will discuss essential things that should be included in your schedule to make you a happy healthy mom. We will also talk about why they are so important. Sometimes as working moms we feel like we need to spend 100% of our time outside of work with our kids. We can feel like time out for ourselves or with our significant other will only decrease our quality time with our kids even more. The thing is, if we don't nurture our relationship with our spouses and ourselves, we may have increased time with our kids but far less quality.

If you spend more time with your kids but don't take anytime for yourself, your kids get a crankier, more exhausted you. It's better to take some time out so you can be your best self. The following tips are things that need to be included in your monthly calendar to be your happiest self.

1. Spend Time with Your Partner

This is important for so many reasons. Firstly, it's important to let your partner know that they are still an essential part of your life even though you have kids.  They need to feel important and wanted as well.  Spending quality time with your partner can help you relax.  Take a break from talking about kids and stresses and bills and just enjoy each other's company.  This helps you promote a healthy relationship between the two of you.  This is important not only for yourselves, but it is also important to model healthy relationships for your children.

Secondly, alone time with your partner helps you get on the same page as far as the kids.  Know what their current favorite thing is, or what they are having trouble with in school.  You want to discuss how you are handling different situations with your kids so can have consistent behavior.

Lastly, you need to have intimate time with your partner.  This is essential to a healthy, happy relationship.  Sometimes you might feel exhausted from your day and just not be in the mood.  Do it anyway.  You will get in the mood.  A lot of the time, it's one of those things where you can fake it til you make it.  It brings you closer to your partner and can reduce stress, the very thing that was preventing you from getting in the mood in the first place.

Try to plan at least a couple date nights during the month, have a few evenings to chat about family stuff, and be intimate as much as possible.

2. Fit in Some "Me Time"

The unhappiest, most depressed moms are the ones who feel like they are constantly giving.  They give to their job, their children, their spouses, their family, their community.  They lose themselves by taking on the happiness and well being of everyone else.  They put themselves last.

This is an absolutely terrible idea.  In order to be the best mom you can be, you should be happy and fulfilled.  People can tell when you are faking it, especially kids.  By fitting in a little me time, you can renew your whole energy. It doesn't have to be a weekend away at the spa to be effective.  It just has to be something that makes you feel happy and fulfilled.

I love dance; it is my passion.  When I am not pregnant I rehearse and perform with a dance company.  This is my time to do something just for me.  We rehearse one day a week, a few weeks a month and perform a few times a year.  This is something I need in my life to be my happiest self. Sometimes I feel bad leaving Tyler behind with grandma when I leave to rehearse, but I always feel reinvigorated after rehearsal.  I'm excited to see him and he's excited to see me.

You might take some time out during the week for a group fitness class and enjoy the community of other women.  Maybe its a mani/pedi at the nail salon. Maybe a monthly brunch with your girlfriends.  Whatever it is that makes you happy and feel like yourself, make time for it.  It can only make you a better mom.  Your kids will thank you for it later!!

3. Plan Specific Family Time Activities

I know you love your kids.  I love mine too.  But sometimes after a long day, I cannot keep up with the sporadic switching from activity to activity and game to game.  I want to spend time with Tyler, but I'm tired.  Especially now at 38 weeks pregnant, going from puzzles to Legos to Mashems to puppets to everything else all in one evening just makes my head hurt thinking about it.

One or 2 nights a week plan specific family time activities.  Tell your kids ahead of time, so its something to look forward to.  for example you can have an Star Wars movie night.  Make popcorn and get them in their favorite Darth Vader jammies. Enjoy the movie together as a family. You get to spend time together and it feels like its an event for the kids.

You can plan a family game night.  Play Candy land and have the different candies from the game.  If you land on that area of the board you get the candy.  You can make or buy gingerbread men and decorate them together.  You might play Candy Land all the time, but this makes it a special event.

Little things you can do to make an ordinary event a little more special will be greatly appreciated by your kids.

I really hope you enjoyed this series of tips for working moms.  I know I enjoyed putting the articles together.  We can't be perfect all the time.  Some months things come up and we might miss a date night, or my me time might get short changed. We might let mom guilt slip in once in a while or we might accidentally double book a date.  But if we make an effort to work on these 9 tips, we will be happier, healthier, better, more loving moms.

In light of the upcoming birth of baby Hailey, on Friday, we will be talking about the transition from one to two kids.  Since I do not yet have experience with this, I have compiled interviews from a few bloggers and we will be hearing their advice on how to get through this change.  I will see you then.

Cheers,

Emily

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Part 2: Tips for Working Moms

It's time for part 2 of our 3 part series of tips for working moms. If you missed part one, you can find it here.  Last time we discussed tips relating to mindset. We lost the guilt, found jobs that fit our priorities, and minimized distractions. Our next three tips involve things you can do to maximize your enjoyment of your time with your family. These are not new ideas, but you may not have previously considered how these habits will help improve family time.

1. Prep for your family's day the night before

This can be a hard habit to get into. At the end of a long day of work and family time, you just want to relax. However, a little prep in the evening can make for a far more enjoyable morning.

If you are not a morning person, getting yourself ready in the morning can be a struggle. Add kids and it only gets more hectic and chaotic. You are on a time table and a lot of things need to happen before you head out the door. Many of these things can be done or at least prepped the night before.

For school aged kids, have them pack their backpack the night before immediately upon finishing their homework. There is no reason it needs to stay out and this means they can just grab and go in the morning. Have them also set out their clothes for the next day. This makes for less of a struggle the next morning when they have to get dressed. If you pack lunch for them, try to pack it the night before so again, it is something you can grab and go.

For kids in daycare, you can make sure their bag is packed and their clothes are laid out the night before. Also have your own bag packed and clothes laid out the night before. This makes mornings run far more smoothly. You can't completely avoid hiccups, but you can minimize them.

How does this maximize family time? It makes you less stressed in the morning. Your kids get to see you happier and relaxed when you start your day together. When you are away from the house for most of the day, you don't want the time you do spend  together to be rushed and stressed. This includes the morning. With all this prep work done the night before, you may even have time to sit and have breakfast together. What a great way to motivate you through your day after having already had some quality family time in the morning!

2. Create a Family Calendar

I won't go over the practical steps to actually create such a calendar as I already have a whole post about it here. Instead, I will talk about why it's so important for working moms and dads.

Having everyone on the same page is essential for busy families. Calendars should be updated immediately upon notification of new events. This helps prevent conflicts and over scheduling. Prioritize family activities, make sure your kids know that their activities are important to you.

For our family, I work days and my husband works nights and weekends. Therefore, on any evening my husband happens to be off, we try to maximize our time together. Sometimes this has to be time to get things done around the house, but we try to make sure we have family time as well. For his weekend days off, we try to ensure we do some family activity like a trip to the park or the zoo.

Try not to double book, if possible. If your kids have an event make a point of not scheduling something for yourself. One of the most important parts of being a working mom is making sure your kids know that they come first. Emergencies happen, but if you generally make it to their events, it's easier to accept the one or two times when that's not possible.

3. Stay Connected During the Day

It's hard to focus when we are preoccupied with other things.  If we are at work and thinking about what we are missing at home, we will be less efficient and less happy.  Missing the kids can be a major distraction.

Some days I can easily get through my work day and then I'm ready for family time when I get home.  Other days I miss my peanut during the day and wish I could just be home seeing what he is up to. If I dwell on that all day, I'll never get my work done. I am a big proponent of recharging your battery. One way to do it is a quick chat with the kids.

On the days where I miss the little guy, a quick FaceTime call can really turn the day around. A few minutes chat with T and hearing about his day can really fill my cup. It also helps him feel like he has seen me more during the day. If your kids are in school, get a quick update on how the school day was in the afternoon. These few minutes of break time can allow you to focus better and actually get more done during your day.

I hope you find these tips helpful. These are concrete things you can do to help ensure that family time is enjoyable. They are little practical tips that can reduce your stress when you are around your family. In the last part of the series, we will discuss ways to maintain good relationships with your family and yourself. You can look forward to seeing that post on Tuesday.

In the meantime, enjoy your weekend!!

Cheers,

Emily

P.S. You can find Part 3 of this series here.

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Part 1: Tips For Working Moms

Being a working mom is hard. Being a stay at home mom is hard too.  However, since I am not a stay at home mom, I don't really have as much insight into that lifestyle.  I do however, have experience as a working mom and I have learned a lot about how to stress less and enjoy both work and family.  The following will be a 3 part series of tips for working moms.  These tips are key for enjoying being a working mom and finding balance in your life.  Here are the first 3 tips to help ease the stress of being a working mom.  These 3 relate to your time at work.

1. Stop Feeling Guilty

It is so easy to feel guilty about being away from your home and your kids.  When your kids are young, you have guilt about missing out on their new discoveries and their activities each day.  As they get older you fell guilt about not being able to go on every class trip or having to send them to an after school program.  The thing is, this guilt does nothing for you, or your kids.  In order to combat this guilt, here is a quick project you can do that can help you again and again.  Take out your phone and in the notes section make a list of all the benefits to your family that you provide by being a working mom.  I'll start you out:

1. You are helping provide for your family financially

2. You are providing an example of a strong, hardworking woman

3. You are able to have balance with adult time and kids time

4. You are able to appreciate your time with your kids that much more

5. Daughters of working moms are more likely to obtain more education and get higher paying jobs

6. Sons of working moms are more likely to help around the house and be attentive to their children

7. You are less likely to lose your identity due to your children

You can feel free to continue this list with the financial, practical and emotional benefits of being a working mom. Whenever you are feeling guilty about being at work and missing time with the kids, you can pull out your list and really read it.  Remind yourself of how important it is that you are a working mom and what benefits you are providing to your family.

2. Find a job/company that matches your priorities

When you first graduate and start looking for a job, you might jump at the first company willing to hire you.  You may accept longer hours or a longer commute or any other countless minor inconveniences that are simply not as important when you are young and single.  My first full time job was in NJ while I lived in the Bronx, NY.  The commute was ridiculous, but I liked the job, my co workers, and my pay.

However, as I approached getting married and starting a family I knew my priorities would be changing, so I started looking for a new job.  I found a position still in my field but much closer to home.  Instead of spending 2.5-3 hours of my day commuting, I now commute 20-30 minutes a day.  In fact, I work so close to home that I go home for lunch most days.  My current company also has more days off and summer Fridays.  They prioritize family and allow me to take time off to do things with the kids without feeling guilty about missing a day of work.

Every company and every field of work is different.  Not every job will have the benefits my job does and my job has its drawbacks as well.  There are a few occasions where I can be called out to work after hours or on weekends.  This is rare, but it does happen.  You should find a job that works best for you and your family.

3. Limit distractions at home and at work

When you are in the office, it is easy to get distracted from your work.  You want to catch up on the latest gossip or discuss the last episode of the Walking Dead.  Sometimes you might get distracted by social media.  It is important to limit these distractions as much as possible.  Now I'm not saying you need to be anti-social and never bond with your co-workers, but pick and choose when you will do it.

Say a quick good morning to everyone when you come in and then get down to business.  Chat with your co-workers at lunch or after you have completed a major task as a quick break.  Set a timer on your phone to vibrate after a few minutes to remind yourself to get back to work.  An important part of maintaining work life balance is ensuring that you can complete your work during the work day.  This allows you to maximize your time with your family at home.

My boss works on weekends and late nights a lot.  He's single and lives by himself.  While he does have a heavy workload, some of it he does to himself.  He will regularly sit and chat with people about the amount of work he has to do, or run to the store for coffee when we have a coffee maker here.  If getting your work done during the work day is a priority, then you need to limit your distractions so that you can do just that.

Limiting distractions is also important at home.  When spending time with your kids, you want to give them your undivided attention.  Checking a quick email or social media account is not the end of the world, but try to limit this as much as possible to when the kids are asleep.

I will acknowledge that this is not always possible.  For example, I generally try to do my grad school homework after bedtime, but when it's finals time, sometimes I need a little extra study time.  This might cut into family time a bit.  It happens.  Let's just try to ensure that it doesn't become a habit.

An important task for working moms is to make sure our kids know that they are our priority.  Work is for work and home is for family.  When we are at home, family is the priority and work is the distraction.  We should never allow our kids to feel like its the other way around.

I hope that you found these tips helpful.  The next set of tips will be coming on Friday and they will revolve around practical things you can do to  maximize your enjoyment of family time.  I will see you then!

Cheers,

Emily

P.S. You can find Part 2 of this Series here.

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5 Tips to Enjoy Events with Kids

If you read my post earlier this week, you know we had a great experience at the Pez Factory Easter Egg Hunt this past weekend. In case you missed it, you can read that post here.  You can also read news coverage of the event here.  However, you would also be aware that there was utter chaos and unfortunate behavior at the event as well.  Mostly on the part of the parents. Thus, I've decided to compile a list of tips to ensure that you can enjoy your events with kids and make the most of your experience.  

1.Read the Instructions in Advance: Before you attend an event, you should know what you are getting into.  What is the setup?  Is there a cost?  What should you bring?  In the case of the egg hunt, the directions specifically stated that there were separate start times for each age group.  We also knew that the egg hunt was free but pictures with the Easter bunny required paying the admission fee to enter the visitor's center.

2. Pay Attention to the signs and Staff at the Event: As the parent, you should be paying attention to all the signs and staff members at the event.  This can be hard when you are also corralling your kids.  If possible have a second adult with you so that one can get all the information while the other keeps an eye on the kids.  At the egg hunt, there were signs specifying which area was for each age group.  Also, the staff members came around to everyone and explained that the turn out was far greater than expected and therefore, if anyone did not get an egg, staff would be giving out candy in front of the visitor's center.  Therefore, there was no reason for parents to take eggs from the other areas of the field. There was also no need to push and shove to get an egg.

3. Determine the Cost of the Event and Base Your Expectations on That:  Now I am not saying that free events are crappy and all good events are paid for.  What I am saying is if the event is free and you get anything to take home, you are already winning.  There is no need to be greedy or pushy.  As far as the Pez event, the egg hunt was free.  If you didn't get an egg from the hunt, you would still be walking away with free candy.  Especially in the 0-4 age group, I highly doubt that it was the kids pushing to have enough eggs to fill a big basket.  If you want your kid to have the experience of finding a ton of eggs and filling their basket, then you should host a hunt for them yourself.  This was a community event to get to be around other kids and get a few pieces of free candy.  If on the other hand you had paid for an Easter bunny buffet meal and there wasn't enough food, you might then have something to complain about.  Look at what you paid and look at what you are getting and determine if it is worth it.  If not, don't attend the event.

4. Assume that There Will be a Lot of People: Parents are always looking for fun activities for their kids.  Especially on weekends, especially around holidays.  They want their kids to get the full experience of the holiday.  You should go to these events knowing that will be the case.  Plan to have to wait on line.  Possibly bring snacks or activities to do while waiting.  If it's an outdoor event, dress for the occasion.  It is your job as a parent to help your kid enjoy the experience.  You shouldn't be complaining about the line or the cold.  You should be prepared.

5. Remember that it is for the Kids: Remember that the event is for the kids.  If they are perfectly content with their one green egg, you don't have to go around picking up more eggs yourself so that they can fill their basket.  If the event is not a competition, don't make it one.  My son had his eyes set on one green egg and when he got it he stopped looking.  I asked him if he would let me hold it so he could get more and he decided to let that happen.  However, if he had said no and just wanted that one egg, then that's what he would have gotten.  A kids event is no time for parents to act on their desires.  If you want to go on an egg hunt, ask someone to set it up for you.  Otherwise, the important thing is that your kid is happy and satisfied.

My comments on these 5 tips obviously revolve around our recent experience at the egg hunt.  However, they can also be applied to a kids event/party.  Know what you are getting into and know the rules.  If its not for you, then just don't go.  Always keep in mind that the end goal is that your kids have fun, and not at the expense of other kids.

Hope you enjoy your next event!!

Cheers,

Emily

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Tips for Enjoying a Day at the Zoo

Yesterday, Our family enjoyed a trip to the Bronx Zoo.  My office happens to be closed for St Patrick's Day, so it was the perfect day to enjoy with family.  The weather was perfect, not too hot and not too cold.  Based on this and our many other trips to the zoo, I thought I'd compile a list of tips to get the most out of your day at the zoo.

1. Get a Membership: If possible, having a membership to the zoo is a wonderful thing to do.  If you plan on going several times during the year, it is definitely worth the money.  It also takes a lot of pressure off any individual visit.  If you just spent a ton of money on admission, you want to see you money's worth of animals and activities.  If on the other hand, you know you can come back as many times as you want at no additional cost, you can relax and really enjoy your visit.  You also have the peace of mind knowing that if it rains or your child has an unprovoked meltdown, you can always come back.

2. Pack a lunch and snacks: While zoo memberships generally provide a discount for food purchases, it can still be pretty expensive to eat there.  Packing a lunch greatly reduces the cost of your trip.  Additionally, you have your food with you wherever you are in the zoo.  This means you can provide instant gratification when your child(ren) gets hungry.  This can totally prevent a meltdown or a shortened trip.  It is also important to have snacks and water.  You will be doing a lot of walking around so having snacks and water available is important for both you and the kids.

3. Let your kid(s) lead: You have had many years to explore the zoo and see the animals you want to see.  Now, it's your kids turn.  Other than preventing them from going into restricted areas, let your kids take the lead or tell you what animals they want to see.  This trip after all is for them.  They will be happier and will relish the opportunity to be in charge.  Their happiness is your happiness, isn't it?!

4. Encourage interaction with the exhibits: At just a few weeks past his 3rd birthday, my son is definitely not reading the signs associated with each exhibit.  He is also not excited by sleeping animals.  Try to help your kid interact with the exhibits.  If the sea lion is "talking", see if your kid can make the same sound.  Can he squawk like the birds? Can she make the face the gorilla is making?  Can he stretch his neck like the giraffe? Can he spot the red bird?  How about the green one? Especially for little ones, the exhibits are only as fun and exciting as you make them.  So have fun.  Start hopping like a kangaroo and practicing your lions roar!

5. Arrive early and/or go on an off day: By arriving early, you can avoid a lot of hassles that come with outings to popular locations.  You can hope to avoid at least some of the crowds.  Your kid will have the most energy at the beginning of the day.  You can avoid the constant questioning of, "When are we going to see the animals?" You can avoid lines at your favorite exhibit.  Another good idea is to go on a random weekday.   Our trip yesterday was perfect since schools were in session.  We didn't have to worry about a lot of other kids running around and it allowed us to give T more freedom walking around.  He also didn't have to fight for a spot to see the animals.

Here are some pictures from our visit.

I hope these tips are helpful for your next trip to the zoo.  They really make our zoo trips a ton more enjoyable.  Do you have any zoo advice?  Leave it in the comments!

Cheers,

Emily

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Why I Take My Kid Everywhere

It started when T was 5 months old. I was getting pretty close to my pre pregnancy weight and started putting myself back out into the dance world. I got a call from a music artist at around 6pm asking if I could attend a rehearsal later that night. I explained that I had a 5 month old and would have to find someone to watch him. She said bring him. This is the impetus that caused me to take my kid everywhere.

Since having Tyler, he has come with me when I choreographed numerous musicals for high school, college, and community theater. He had come with me when I teach dance class.  He recently went to see Star Wars in the theaters.  He comes out to dinner, parties, weddings, and various other events.

This is great for me! I don't have to always find a baby sitter. I get to spend time with my son and expose him to what I do. He has been able to experience live music and theater at a year old.  On breaks, we get to eat and play together. And I of course get to show him off.  What can be better than that?!

This is also great for T. At an early age he has been observing how to act around adults. He doesn't shout or scream.  He isn't climbing on tables or running around restaurants.  He doesn't disturb fellow movie goers.  He has learned how to act with adults in social situations.

Now I won't tell you he is perfection. There are times when mommy is teaching that he wants mommy now. And there a few occasions when he hasn't napped and can then be super fussy. I can count on one hand the number of times we have had to take him outside to calm down.  But he has learned that if I say wait and then I will help you, I actually will.  So he has slightly more patience than he would otherwise have.

He has also learned to be more comfortable around strangers. Of course, if he walks into a room full of loud college kids at rehearsal, he starts out shy. But he quickly warms up. If we get to rehearsal early and the kids trickle in, he is a ham. He also plays with the people I teach. If I'm working with one group of dancers, he is OK playing with the rest without me having to be there playing with him.

I truly believe that exposing him to adult social situations early on has taught him how to act around adults. We don't have melt downs in restaurants, we don't have talking in movies, and we have a kid that friends actually want us to bring to parties and social gatherings.

An added bonus is that my 3 year old is now also very cultured. He sings show tunes, has been to various museum exhibits, he quotes movies, and makes various pop culture references. He understands humor and makes conversation with adults. We couldn't be happier or more proud.

Tell us how you expose your kids to proper behavior around adults.

Cheers,

Emily

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How Sole Savers Saved My Feet

If you have read my latest blog post, then you know that my son had his 3rd birthday party on Sunday. While it was a ton of fun, it was a long day for mommy at 29 weeks pregnant. Read on to find out how sole savers saved my feet.

So upon getting up at 6am, I put on some leggings and my brand new black sole savers. I knew I was in for a long day, so flats were the way to go! Here they are in their adorable little canister and then on my feet.

Then it was on to start birthday prep. I started with making jello molds and then started frosting the cupcakes and topi g them with our brick candies and brick toppers. Then upstairs to make sure the birthday boy and the hubby was up. Then getting T dressed and getting him breakfast. Then back to the cupcakes. When that was finally done, it was time to hand streamers and the brick photo wall. Then the hubs put up the folding table so I could put all the tableware and plates and everything on display.

Next it was back to Tyler. We went potty and had some playtime. Then time for lunch! Then on to making food for the party including mini pb&j sandwiches, bagel bites, and pigs in a blanket. We put out the chips and finally it was 2pm, time for the party to start.

By this time I had already been running around for 8 hours. My feet did not hurt a bit. I was sure by this time I was going to have that pain in the back of the heel. You know when shoes have that elastic in the back that digs into your heel so that eventually you have to pull the heel part off and wear them like slippers? Well that never happened! After 8 hours they were as comfy as ever.

Then it was on to mingling and playing with our guests. Then running around with Tyler, presents, cake.... You know the deal. It was 6:30 before the last few guests were heading for the door. Now it was party clean up time, still in my sole savers.

Once that was done, there was still one more task to go. My living room is pretty tight, so in order to make room for guests, my husband had moved some larger toys and and items up to the bedrooms. However, in order to get to bed, these had to be moved back down. Now my hubs was off driving his family home, so there I was bringing all them items back downstairs. Finally, I ended the day playing with T and some of his new toys. By 8:30 I was as ready for bed as Tyler was.

However, my feet never hurt all day. At 29 weeks pregnant, that's a feat any day but especially on a day running around as much as I was. Their simple and cute design was easy to match and they come in a variety of colors. I have the black and gold, but I am anxiously awaiting the new collection coming out next month!

Another awesome feature is that they come with a little pouch and roll up easily. They are meant for when you go out on the town but then your feet are dying and you have to change out of your heels.  Here's a picture of everything they come with.

They will really save your feet! That's why I support this brand! Think about all those weddings and parties where these will come in handy.  Another bonus, a portion of each sale goes to charity and the charities change each month. So you save your feet and support a good cause. Win-win!!

You can check them out here: Sole Savers I am a brand ambassador so I do make a small commission if you make a purchase.

I hope you check them out!

Cheers,

Emily

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Tips For Starting Kindness Young

I recently had a post published on Today Parenting regarding teaching our kids to be kind.  In a world where bullying is a major issue, finding methods to teach kindness to our kids starting at a very young age is essential.  In this article, I talk about what we do in our household to teach our 2.5 year old how to be kind.  The hardest part, yet the most essential, is being an example of kindness yourself. Sometimes behind closed doors, we forget ourselves and we forget that even though we are not in public, our little people are always watching.  We start to vent and criticize and our children learn from how we speak about people.  Treating our children and family members kindly is important.  But it is also important to speak kindly of others and value kindness in others.

To see how we are teaching kindness to T, check out my article below.

My Today Parenting Article

Happy Monday!!

Emily

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Happy Marriage Tips

There are a lot of things that go into a happy marriage.  It's not like the movies, well some movies, like the uber romantic ones where everyone is happy all the time.  People disagree, people accidentally hurt each other's feelings,  people have annoying habits.  Things like that don't suddenly change because you got married.  A week ago was my husband's and my 4 year anniversary.  While we don't have a perfect marriage, I think every marriage is a work in progress that lasts your lifetime, I do think we have learned a few useful things along the way.

Communication is the key. I know, I know, everyone says that. But it's not necessarily actually telling your spouse what you think and feel that is a problem. It's knowing when and how to say it.  You might say, I tell my husband all the time to put his clothes away when he comes home instead of leaving it on the floor and nothing comes of it. Yes, you are communicating, but it's not in the most effective way.   We'll use this as our example.

If you come home from work and you know you have to get dinner made and the first thing you see is your husband's dirty socks on the floor, your gut reaction might be to say "How many times have I asked you to just put your dirty socks in the hamper? It's not that hard. It's only 2 ft from where you dropped them." This will not be effective.  It immediately puts your spouse on the defensive, and who can blame them.  You are definitely on the attack.

Instead, don't bring it up.  Pick up the socks and put them away, cause let's face it, if you are not bringing it up, they not going to jump into the hamper themselves.  Although you are not bringing it up at the moment, do make a mental note that this behavior drives you bananas.  Now the next day or a few days later, you might have a wonderful date night or even just a fun day with the kids.  While you are both happy and pleased with each other, now you can bring up the socks.  Instead of stating how you can't understand why such a simple task seems beyond him, choose your words more carefully.  Explain that when he throws his socks on the floor instead of in the hamper it makes you feel that he does not respect the effort you make to maintain the household or it makes you feel that he does not take pride in your home.  Make it about you and how it makes you feel.  Your spouse may see it as no big deal, and they just don't understand why you get so upset.  Therefore, they never make the mental note to stop the behavior.  When you tell them why you get so upset at a time when you are not upset, they can really get the message.  Out of respect for your feelings they can make the effort to change their behavior.  Yelling doesn't have that kind of reaction.

Another key is to praise your spouse when they actually do what you have asked.  So when you come home and find no socks on the floor, thank your spouse for putting them away.  Even though in your mind, it doesn't seem praiseworthy, your spouse will appreciate the recognition for their effort.  This encourages them to continue doing it in the future.

This communication technique can and should be used for all kinds of situations, big or small.  It takes effort to not immediately fly off the handle about something you've told your spouse a million times.  I can't claim that I have the control to do this always. But I can say that when I have, the results are much better.

Another tip for spousal communication is to make things about you.  I don't mean this in a narcissistic way. I mean, when you ask (you should be asking, not telling) your spouse to do something, make it about you. I.e. instead of saying "please call the chimney cleaner today" say "Could you do me a favor and call the chimney cleaner today?  I'm hoping to get the chimney cleaned before we really need to turn on the heat." When you phrase it as a favor instead of a demand, you are more likely to get results. It also makes your spouse feel like they are helping you out instead of being your servant.

Also, don't give tasks as a laundry list. 1 favor a day means 7 favors done in a week! When you give a list, you are lucky to get 2-3 done.  Again, lists make you spouse feel like a servant, not a partner.

Lastly, be thankful.  As easy as some tasks are, they are not necessarily on the forefront of your spouse's mind.  You are not the same person and you prioritize things differently. So for you the chimney cleaner might be number one, but for him, he may not be able to work on something until the house is clean. Be aware of this and appreciate when he takes the time out to do your priority.

Marriage is work and communication is key.  Remember, it's not just what you communicate, it's how and when you do it.  As my husband can tell you, I can be demanding at times and I do not always put these tips into practice. But it is something we both consciously work on to maintain a healthy, happy relationship.

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Prepping for Baby #2

Disclaimer: The Multitasking Mom is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Anything linked within this post are items that the author, herself, would purchase and all other content continues to be the author's own opinion.

At first, when you learn that you are pregnant with #2, you think: "I've done this before" and "I know what to do" and "I won't need to buy hardly anything". But, depending on how long it's been between babies, there are things you forget, things you can't reuse, and things that the first child is still using. For example, for T, we got a convertible crib which is now in it's toddler bed form. While we won't need a new crib for #2 (the toddler bed will be converted back) we will need a new bed for T. While were on the topic, he will also need a new dresser for all his big brother sized clothes.

Other things that may or may not be reusable are clothes. Some are too stained and damaged to save, others may be gender specific. So how do you check what you really need?

My method is to pretend like this is a first baby and download an app or printout a baby registry list. You can find registry 101 lists here: http://www.thebump.com/a/registry-101. Then check off the things you know for sure you don't need to re-buy for example an infant carrier, and infant car seat, high chair, bouncer, etc., i.e. anything that is reusable and not gender specific. For items you will be passing down, adjust the listing to your needs. So I will cross off crib and write toddler bed and next to dresser, I will write "for T". These are things we will still need to buy before #2 comes around.

Some of our clothes and towels and accessories are gender neutral. So they can for sure be reused. If you find out the gender of baby #2 in advance this can help you finish off your shopping list. If your second person is the same gender as your first, there may be very little to buy in regards to clothes. If not, you can sort through what you have saved from number one and then update your registry list to reflect what you already have.

No matter what the gender, we definitely plan to have a new theme for baby #2's nursery, so bedding and changing table covers will be replaced either way. We will also be replacing our baby monitor which T broke one day by spiking the monitor across the living room...

My favorite site to register on is Amazon's Baby Registry. They just have everything. We plan on registering for a few things for T too! We want him to feel like a part of the celebration and not be left out. We will also be registering for some items at a brick and mortar store as we know some people prefer that. (I can say that I'm not one of them, but we like to accommodate.)

Cheers,

Emily

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Toddlers and Trips: How to Combine the Two

As a toddler mom with several road trips under her belt, there are a few useful tips that I’ve learned that I though I’d share. Especially, with all the pumpkin/apple picking trips coming up, I thought this might be pertinent.

The first tip is about departure time. We have found it best to choose a departure time shortly before lunch. We pack a lunch, pack up the car and head out. As soon as the toddler starts to get cranky, we whip out our packed lunch and eat. This keeps him content a while longer. After lunch is his usual nap time, so we get additional quiet travel time as the short man naps. This process gives you a good several hours of travel time without having to entertain your toddler.

When going on longer trips, we like to plan our route and note interesting locations along the way. We plan breaks in our trip by finding places that only take 1-2 hours to check out, but are perfect for toddlers to get their wiggles out.

While driving, we make up games based on what our toddler is into at the moment. So when he was all about colors, we would point out the colors of the things we passed by. When he's into singing, we have sing-a-longs of his favorite songs. When he's into counting, we count the cars we pass. We also have special toys reserved for when we are out of the house. This makes them more exciting to play with since we don't get to play with them all the time.

While we are not cool enough to have a built in DVD player in our car, we will load a few movies and TV shows onto our iPad as a last resort. The best thing is to be prepared and have several options for your toddler. Toddlers are fickle creatures and can be unpredictable, but coming in prepared is your best bet.

Good luck!!

Cheers,

Emily

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Pre-mom vs. mom vs. post-mom

Ok so the post-mom part of the title is a bit inaccurate, you never stop being a mom once you become one. I just mean to say post having your kids at home, but for title purposes, that seemed more catchy.

Today, I'd like to talk about why I think it's so important to be a multitasking mom, and it has to do with the 3 phases of a mom's life: pre-mom, mom, and post-mom.

Prior to becoming a mom, we all had lives and ambitions and we had a lot more time to ourselves to pursue whatever we wanted. We probably had jobs and families and all, but for the most part our free time was our own. Pre-T (my son), I worked full time, danced for sports teams, taught dance, took dance classes, was studying for actuary exams, and participating in community theater. When offered a new performance opportunity, I jumped at the chance. If a team practiced 3 times a week plus games, who cared. Dancing was how I enjoyed spending my time.

Now that I have T, guess what, I still enjoy dancing. Not only do I enjoy it, but I still pursue it. Just differently.

I still need to work full time to support the family. But my love for dance didn't stop just because I made a person. The thing about dance is your child rearing years are also your prime dance years. It's not exactly a field that you just jump back in when your kids are grown. Plus it makes me happy. I don't want to wait 18 years to make myself happy. So I adapt.

I still dance for companies and teams, but I choose teams that don't require as many practices. I teach at places that allow me to take my son with me and I specify when I am available to teach. I choose not to teach on weekends so I can have family time and I am available for all those fun weekend events that come up. I also select gigs that only require a few rehearsals, if any.

I make it work because while I love my husband and son and spending time with them, I know I am a better mom when I am feeling fulfilled. I am super lucky to have supportive family and friends as well. My inlaws are always willing to watch T if I have a rehearsal, my husband will bring T to my performances, and the places where I teach allow T to sit in class with me. Without that kind of support, I could never balance it all.

The emotional support is key as well. My husband encourages every endeavor I pursue. He never questions when I say I want to try something. When I decided to try pageants, that meant that our family vacations we're going to be wherever I was competing. My husband just asked when and where. He never questioned or complained or asked me to stop. We make it work.

This has a lot to do with my husbands pursuits as well. My husband works, but he also pursues acting. He understands the need to fulfill the part of yourself that was there pre-kids, so we work with each other so that both of us can pursue our outside interests.

Now back to the 3 stages. While it's important to pursue your interests during parenthood because you will be a happier better person, it's also important for after your kids grow up. If you do nothing for yourself when your kids are growing up, then what do you have when they leave? A lot of time and nothing to do. While it's perfectly acceptable to start trying new things at that point, it's nice to have something that you've maintained throughout.

You're the same person at all three stages. Your goals and dreams and inspirations may change, but you should never stop pursuing them. It's what makes you, you.

Love yourself and make time for yourself. It's one of the most important tasks in your multitasking life!!

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